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Beer Tank Archives 8/4/08 |
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Monday Beer Tank Question Q. There are affairs and inner office relationships going on in my office that are obvious and immoral to the staff. People are constantly gossiping about it. What do you suggest I do to minimize this kind of discussion?
- Pam J. |  | B.A.M.: Are you kidding. I live for that sort of stuff. Living vicariously through their affairs and then judging them unmercifully from a higher moral ground is one of life’s greatest pleasures. |  | Lt. Guzzle: The question is: Do these people have a sister? Where can I get an application? Seriously... | Tuesday Beer Tank Question Q: What would you rather have happen...be caught wearing a Jonas Brothers T Shirt or be set on fire. - Mike M. | | B.A.M.: Both...so as to better serve mankind. | | Lt. Guzzle: Dear God, I had thought the US Military had destroyed the latent virus that created these corporate-inspired boy bands. When will they ever learn? | Wednesday Beer Tank Question Q: Is it bad to give my dog beer? - Bill S. | | B.A.M.: Well, some carbs and light calories never hurt me. One of my best drinking buddies was my Boston Terrier Sparky. Well it was until his untimely death at the age of two. The vet said something about cirrhosis of the liver. I just think Sparky couldn’t handle his beer like he bragged about. He was a big talker that way….but who’s laughing now. | | Lt. Guzzle: No, as long as you remember 3.2% beer is like, oh, 22% in dog beer. Drink responsibly, pooch. | Thursday Beer Tank Question Q. I have a boss who is a tyrant. He’s a short, megalomaniac who thinks the world revolves around him. He also thinks that everything that happens good in the office is because of him and anything that goes wrong is everyone else’s fault. Have you guys ever experienced this? - Scott B. | | B.A.M.: Ahh yes. This is known in the medical world as “Leprechaunus Hydrocephalicus” or aka “a case of the tiny’s”. They can usually be spotted by their oversized heads and stubby legs. The prowl the scary sidelines waiting for others to make a mistake and then pounce over to their undersized cube and proceed to armchair them to death about how it “should have been done”. Once they finish consuming this person and then sucking the marrow out of their bones...they sloth back to their office, close the door and make tons of personal phone calls to other tiny managers and talk about how lucky everyone is to have them as their boss. | | Lt. Guzzle: Wear some extra-thick work gloves, grab him firmly by the scrotum, and pull it over his head. A world-class "Gay-Porn Wedgie" will fix his wagon. Then, in your next job... | Friday Beer Tank Question Q. Jim J. Bullock or Neil Patrick Harris. Who’s your daddy? - Doug D. | | B.A.M.: Well...Jim J. is dead...ok he’s not...but it just feels better to think of him that way. So by default...Neil Patrick Harris. | | Lt. Guzzle: They are both lesbians, right? |
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